!GUYX/6jp3w 01/06/09(Tue)17:35:37 No.2675287|
I still don't know how I pulled this one out of the fire. I was so ready to just give up and I honestly thought, you know, "my life is over". Maybe I'd just leave the hab and wander into the forest or something. It seems overly dramatic now but I wasn't thinking straight, I thought I had lost Siane forever and I guess I almost did. If I had stayed home, I would have. I'd hear from her four days later when she got to lunarhab, telling me that because she owed it to her parents, she was leaving me for Clavian. I still don't know how she's doing to break this to her parents. Clavian is probably still planning a wedding. Maybe his family already paid for it, I don't know, Siane is probably in some pretty deep shit. It would have been easier for her if I had just let her go so she could do what her family expected of her. I said some of this to her, not in so many words but earlier in bed. She told me that it took all of her willpower to not tell me, that she knew that she had to just leave and cut things off or she'd break down and tell me and she knew I wouldn't let her go. "Thank god you stopped me", she said, although I detected a worried tone in her voice. She knows as well as I do how this is going to devastate her parents. They're a fixture in lunarhab and Clavians' family is in upper management so needless to say they're rich and well connected, and I fully expect them to make my life miserable so that I'll leave. I'm ready, though. I came this far, I'm committed to forcing this to work. If Siane can deal with her parents, I can deal with Clavian.
Yesterday took so much out of me, I'm still exhausted. I wish I could tell you more but everything kind of happened all at once, by itself, and I'm still recovering. Siane wants to talk about how to break this to her folks and where I'm gonna live on lunarhab, etc. so we're going to 'dinner', then probably a movie and then bed, so I won't be able to write anything until tomorrow.